Whether you grew apart, had an argument, or some unfortunate circumstances - your friendship with this person ended. You may have felt a sense of loss, grief, anger, resentment, betrayal, or any combination of these emotions, at the realization of this. Time has passed. Now you've moved on. You stuffed it down into a deep pocket of your soul, think you've forgiven the person, or the hurt has lessened with time. Then BAM! That very person sends you a friend request or a text message. You see them when out to breakfast with a significant other or at the doctors office. Past events race through your mind at lightening speed as well as the emotions associated with them. Do they remember? Maybe you don't want to look a them but you can't help it. Should you say hello and smile or should you two just continue to have a good 'ol cowboy movie stare down? Who will blink first?
First let me preface this blogpost by saying this: You are NOT the same person you were whenever this incident or disconnection occurred. Hopefully you've learned and grown from the experience. It may be exciting to see this person again -especially if you're lonely or they're someone you long for. You may hope for a rekindling. Seeing this person again may cause you nausea, anxiety, anger, fear, sadness, joy, even sexual attraction. The body reacts first, and sometimes it can feel sickening and you may not react in the way you were expecting. Take note of how you feel when your energies reconnect, even if that feeling only lasts a moment. Is there more that needs to be healed?
Growth + Change
Have they grown and changed? Is that change in alignment with your vibration and the new heights you'd like your vibration to go? Would their attitude and vibration help you both to ascend together or would they bring you down and be a distraction from your current destination? Maybe these 'visitors' as I'll call them, are a reminder of where you used to be, how far you've come, and where you're headed. A reminder to not look back, but to look forward. Maybe they are signposts for growth - phantoms of past lessons you've learned.
I've decided to use some tarot cards to help us take a look at the deeper lessons involved when a "ghost from your past" pops back up into your life.
6 of Cups - Memories Shared + Nostalgia
When first seeing this person after the passage of time, you may feel your stomach in knots and your heart flutter as your mind takes a saunter down memory lane. Your inner child may be jumping up and down from reconnecting with an old playmate or your high school self may be turning to mush after seeing an old flame across the way at the grocery store. These warm and fuzzy feelings invoked by the memories of our time spent with this person can sometimes bring us back to a simpler time. They can make us wish we were a more free and less inhibited version of ourselves again. They give us joy and laughter. They help us to see where we've grown and matured through the silly mistakes we made in the past. These may be the memories you fall asleep to at night. Reconnecting with this person may be an opportunity for you to let your hair down and have some fun again. Take a walk down memory lane together over ice cream and reminisce a while. It can be nice to take a break from daily stresses and relive nostalgic moments with this person by going to a park that you two used to frequently go to together or doing any activity that you both enjoyed. Taking this time with an old friend to catch up can refresh and reinvigorate you!
The Devil - Unhealthy Influences
Unfortunately there are times when someone from a darker part of our past stalks across our path. When seeing this person again, you may feel a pit in your stomach, start to perspire, and your heart may feel caught in your throat. You may instantly want to start crying or run from fear. This person may bring up feelings of personal insecurity within you and may reinforce the need for more healing work on the issue at hand - whether that be a drug addiction, abuse, rape, bullying, someone who took advantage of you, or anything that was not for your best and highest good. It is also a reminder that you (hopefully) are recovering or have recovered from the issue. You are not the same person you were then. You a stronger now. Don't let fear or someone outside of you make you quiver or steal your joy! You have overcome! You freed yourself from unhealthy influences and circumstances. You decided that your life and happiness was and is more important. Let this be a reminder to keep moving forward. Don't allow negative influences from your past to trap you there.
3 of Swords and 10 of Swords - Heartbreak + Betrayal
Did this person break your heart? It doesn't take a romantic relationship to have a broken heart. A friend, teacher, co-worker, sibling, or parent can give you one as well. Seeing someone who betrayed you in the past does 2 things:
- Gives you the opportunity to extend forgiveness.
- Let's you know that more inner healing work may need to be done on your part.
You don't have to walk up to the person who has hurt you and say "I forgive you for...", (however if your soul calls you to do it then I would, unless you are in a situation where it would be completely inappropriate, use your discretion), but you can extend a silent forgiveness, through love from your heart chakra, to that person. You could even go home and write a letter to that person, then take it outside, and burn it. Make a ritual of it. Wish them joy, love, and peace. Forgiveness is for you. Are you staying stuck in those feelings of hurt and betrayal? Why? What do you need to release it? I will say this - don't expect that person to tell you they are sorry. Don't have any attachment to outcomes. Sometimes what you need from someone, they are just incapable of giving it to you. Not necessarily that they don't want to, they just currently don't have the capacity to do so and may never. And that is okay! That's a part of their journey and definitely a teaching moment for you. That is a lesson I have learned over time and it has served me well.
9 of wands - Defensiveness
You may notice that you are a bit on the defensive when you come in contact with this person. Maybe not in an active way, but in a passive (or passive aggressive) way. You want to boast and let them know what you're doing now. On the other hand, you could be very stand-offish to general good natured conversation. You may also be afraid that you're not up to par with where you could or should be due to what others or society believes you should be doing with your life at this point in time. You may compare yourself to their progress and deem yourself better or worse off than they are. You don't want to seem inadequate or like some type of slacker. This is definitely a lesson in Ego. You may also be defensive of past actions you took or choices you made- maybe even actions that helped lead to the end of your friendship. One word (more like interjection lol) from Spirit guys: "Let that -ish go! Agree to disagree or accept that yes, maybe you made a mistake beautiful soul. We all make mistakes! It's part of our learning and evolving as souls. Admit when you are wrong and be humble."
5 of Cups vs 8 of Cups - Something Left to Salvage or Time to Move On?
Is there anything about your relationship with this person that is worth reconnecting with? Have you both grown in healthy positive ways? Can you make amends and reform the bonds of companionship - even though it may never be the same, and if it's not, are you okay with that? If you do start over and try to rebuild a friendship with this person, do you believe there will always be a dark cloud in the background of what transpired between you? Listen to your intuition. Your soul will let you know if it is time to leave the past in the past. What does your body say? Try to connect with your guides if you're really troubled about the issue. Ask for clarity. Truly evaluate the benefits of rekindling this friendship or relationship. Is it worth it? What would the lessons you learned about the situation say? Can both of you get over the past and really make a change? You know the answer in your heart of hearts. If it is salvageable great! If it is not, don't be afraid to say your final good-bye's and to keep moving forward in a positive direction. Don't torture yourself with what might be. Listen to your gut and don't be afraid of the unknown. Don't reconnect with this person just because you're lonely, when you know deep down they bring you down or are not the kind of energy you need in your life.
Judgement and The World - We Are All Teachers
Maybe this person you saw while on vacation with your family or at another table across the restaurant when out at dinner, did something scandalous or you just don't vibe with them for a particular reason. You pass judgement upon them, are envious of or stereotype them, or still see them for a mistake they made 10 years ago. Remember loves, we are all connected. We all love, we all grieve, we all laugh, we all have embarrassing moments or have been lied to. It is part of our human experience. What you dislike in someone else may truly be a part of yourself that you don't like or remind you of a mistake you made. Maybe where you went left, they went right. Everyone you come into contact with (including yourself) is a teacher. Each teacher has a lesson for us. These ghosts or visitors from your past may come up to remind you of the lessons learned, let you know that your knowledge and understanding of this lesson needs to be taken to a deeper level now, or it may just be a slap in the face to humble yourself. Take the lesson and remember that we are all equal. Think back over the experience and apply the knowledge gained from it into your life.
Please comment below with any experiences you've had with old friends and new circumstances, as well as any lessons you've learned along the way. How did you feel? How did you deal?