It is a scary and sometimes lonely thing when someone who you love dearly is struggling with a life debilitating illness or who has a lot of health problems. I have written this blog post as I am currently going through this with a loved one and have for some time. I have been operating out of a place of fear and now it is time to operate with love. Here is what I have learned so far, as well as Spirit's outlook on dealing and healing when a loved one has a serious illness.
Be loving & supportive
Give them your love, affection, and tenderness. Be there to clean up the mess, to shed tears with them, to hug them, to pick them up when they fall. Give of your heart. Return to them all of the love, care, and nurturing they showed you in your life. Don't moan and groan when they need your help. Did they do the same when you were sick and needed someone to care for you?
Don't isolate yourself!
It can be a hard thing to watch as their health declines however, staying alone with your feelings is never a good thing. Also, don't be afraid of spending time with your ill loved one. Sometimes we distance ourselves to protect ourselves emotionally, so it doesn't hurt so bad, however this can often be the worst thing you could do. Spend as much time with them as you can. Spend time with your friends to de-stress. Spend time alone to recharge your batteries.
Are you in it for the long hall?
The good days and the bad? Take things slowly. Progress is often slow. Take your time. No need to rush. Be steady and stable for them. Someone they can lean upon. Literally. Be a leader. Take their hand. Walk at their pace. Give them an extra boost of encouragement when they need it. Most of all, be patient with them in their journey.
Cry if you need to however...
Don't cry over something you can't change or something that hasn't happened yet. Do what you can. No more woulda, coulda, shoulda. Focus on the time you do have with them! Make it as grand as possible. Embrace it. Let it wash over you. Enjoy every moment.
For them and for you too. Don't let fear take over. Focus on the light that lies and lives within them. I can't stress this enough.
Help them to keep their dignity
Don't shame or belittle them. Don't exclude them. Don't yell or roll your eyes. Don't be condescending or treat them as "less than" or like there is something wrong with them. Be supportive and encouraging. Helpful and loving in your words, actions, and the looks you give them. Remember, this is just as hard on them as it is on you.
Continue to make memories
Laugh. Hug. Kiss. Take out the photo album. Reminisce. Look back on the positive memories and gifts they've brought to your life. Also know that no matter how big or small, old or young, they have lived a full life in love. There are also beautiful blessings that can come from this situation, although these may be unclear to you now.
Ramp up the self-care!
Don't turn to drugs, food, sex, or alcohol to help cope. Find a support group. See a counselor or a therapist. Meditate. Play a game. Read a book that you've been meaning to. Go see a movie. Exercise. Focus on your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health. Take a bubble bath. Get a new haircut. Work on your Root & Heart Chakras, your centers of love and security. Anything that makes you feel good (that's for your best and highest) and refreshes your energy - do that.
And most of all...
Tell them you love them as much as you can, as often as you can.
Sending you and your loved one so much love <3